my daily log...
5/18/01 12:37 AM
Damn I sometimes don’t realize
how long it has been since I last wrote down something on this page. Yesterday
me and Kimiyo went to Tallahassee together and saw Enon and The Dismemberment
Plan with the Gena Rowland’s Band. I swear that that show was one of the best
shows I have ever seen. I just was not expecting it to be such a good show. I
mean it might have helped that so many friends were there. It was good seeing
Cully and Ben, and meeting up with Charles and his friends. And to be honest
the fact that the woman I love was there with me and actually enjoying the show
too really help make the show for me. I mean having a girlfriend that will go
to shows with you is a very important thing. I was on Enon’s guest list, so me
and Kimiyo got in free… that is always a plus… I felt like such an asshole
though, because I had never seen a picture of the guys in Enon before and the
lead singer was talking to me when I first got there and I didn’t realize that
he was the singer… he was also from a band called Brainiac… gosh I was an
asshole… but hey it happens… I should have done my homework better. Before we
went to the show me and Kimiyo cooked a meal together… I stir fried mushrooms
in a soy/green onions sauce that I made..and Kimiyo cooked me and her some
Japanese noodles…I also cooked up some eggs… I really enjoyed it… it is nice to
cook a meal and clean the dishes with a person you enjoy spending your time
with… It was hard to eat though because every other second I heard her giggling
over the fact that I am not the very best at using chopsticks…
My brother graduates high
school today… oh joy… my family is coming down to see him graduate and have a
party on Saturday… seeing as how I am the loser dropout that I am I am going to
be avoiding the whole scene… they never threw me a party… and they never
recognized me getting a GED or a Tech. College degree in Computer Science… and
they have yet to recognize that I am about to graduate one college with not 1
but 2 degrees… one in journalism and one in applied science… I mean my brother
is just graduating high school… so he gets a party and presents an stuff… what
have I gotten? Oh well I don’t really care in the end… my reward is an
education… one day when I have my Master’s they will want to throw a party I bet…
it will be a little to late for that…
My brother goes into the
army on June 5th… I hope I do not have to go in the army too… but if
I want money for college and do not want to take out loans then it is my only
option… well not the army but the reserves… I can go into the reserves for
linguistics and they will teach me Japanese for a year and I will earn like 60
hrs of college credit… if I want to focus on teaching English to foreign
students then it is a pretty sweet deal… I mean the only downside is going to boot
camp and having to be a weekend warrior for 6 years… oh well that’s life… I have
to grow up sometime… esp. if me and Kimiyo are ever going to get married… she
says she will move hear… but I have to plan for her possibly wanting me to come
to Japan…
Oh well.. Later…
Pato
5/11/01 1:15AM
today, well actually
yesterday since today just started was pretty boring for the most part.
I am off from school and I
am not going to Tifton until later today, so today I pretty much just lounged
around.
My brother is graduating
high school next week, and some of my family is coming down to visit. So my mom
wants the house to look good, so instead of a vacation I get to go outside and
paint the house. Of course I am taking my sweet time doing this little chore.
I went to the high school
today to see my dad and scan in new pictures… I guess the only reason I am
saying this is because my day was just that boring…
I watched the movie “What
women want” I thought it was funny… but some of you might not agree with me… I
think seeing Mel Gibson in panty hose and make up was worth the rental fee
though.. kinda like in “Baseketball” when Robert Stack says “fuck”, or Bob
Costas says “feel these nipples”… those moments made that movie priceless….
I almost burnt the kitchen
down while fixing supper… and in the process burnt my hand…
I talked to Kimiyo on the
phone for an hour…
What a boring day…
Lets see what tomorrow
brings…
5/09/01 11:30PM
I swear sometimes I can get
so lazy about writing in this thing, but to be honest it isn’t laziness, it is
just me being away from my computer. I mean if I really wanted to make this a
100% daily thing then I could take it around on a disk and update it
periodically from the web and not use FTP, but I do not want that. This may be
a journal, but it is more of a forum for me to just write about things, not
share that many intimate details about my daily drama.
This was my first full day
back from Washington D.C. and the first time I haven’t seen Kimiyo all day in
over a week. I just wanted to take some time off and stay at home, but I will
see her again Friday. I guess in a way being apart for two days will help me to
get used to her not being around. My god it scares me so much that she is
leaving…
I asked my parents the other
day at separate times how long they were together before they knew they wanted
to get married to each other… my mom gave me the more romantic version, whereas
my dad just agreed with what she said. They knew within 6 weeks of dating. They
officially got engaged 6 months to the day that they first met, and got married
a year to that day. They have been together almost 30 years now. I think they
were lucky enough to find each other. It is kind of hard to find your soul
mate. I have been looking for 20 years. Maybe Kimiyo is not my soul mate, but I
swear she is damn close. I know without a doubt that I would marry her if she
had me, and I know that one day we will be married. I see it every time I look
in her eyes. In a way it is haunting, but at that same time it is the most
comforting thought that I have ever felt. I have no idea what the future has in
store for us. Will she live here, or will I go to Japan. I think that the only
way I could go to Japan is if I learned Japanese, and to do that I feel I need
to go into the army reserves and go to linguistics school. Kimiyo does not want
me to do this though. The only real option I have for a job in Japan is to
teach English, but Kimiyo doesn’t want me to do that either because she knows
it is not my dream. My dream though is to be with her, so I feel doing
something to be with her is my dream. Maybe it is not my only dream, but it
does bring us together, and it does pay the bills.
It would be so much easier
for her to just move here, but I do not want to make her leave her home
country, or her family and friends. So I guess I am at a place where I do not
know what to do. I know the waiting while we are apart will crush my heart
though.
It is a little hard getting
used to the idea that I am not single anymore. Not that it is really hard, it
is just that I had been single so long and now I am facing never being single
again. I welcome that, but it is a little weird. I have to remember that I can
not flirt anymore. And it is a little hard to give up some old habits, but time
will solve these problems. When I am with Kimiyo it is no sweat. With Byron
gone though it will be a little hard when Kimiyo leaves. I think that if I
concentrate on school I will not have a problem though. I hope the time that we
are apart goes by fast and not like a lifetime… but love can make pain last
forever…
I love Kimiyo… I think this
is this first time I have ever really been in love… all the other times I
spouted out that word I don’t think it really meant much… but when I say it to
Kimiyo, or in reference to Kimiyo it feels like the weight of the world is
coming along with it….
I am the first person she
has ever loved…. I will be the only person she has ever loved…
She makes me feel complete…
But when I am away from her
I feel like my knees are cut out from under me and I can barely stand…
But she is still with me…
and I always think of her….
That is enough for tonight…
pato (that is my Japanese
nickname, if you are American then it is not pronounced with the “a” sound in cat,
but the “a” sound in father)
4/29/01 7:50 PM
I was a little lazy about
writing this week. I had to deal with a lot of writing at school and I was just
too tired to write usually when I came home.
Other then finals this week
was pretty normal. With the exception of Byron leaving Monday, some finals, and
I didn’t see Kimiyo that much during the middle of the week.
On Friday we watched Heat, a
good movie with Robert De Niro and Al Pacino…
On Saturday we went to
Columbus, GA & Pine Mountain, GA … we went to Callaway Gardens… which for
those of you that are not in the know is a really nice place to go if you like
seeing flowers and stuff like that… they have the huge area that I feel is one
of the most beautiful places in Georgia, well at least one of the most
beautiful non-natural places in Georgia. It is just a beautiful place. There is
a place where you can go into a building and walk amongst thousands of
butterflies from all over the world. The girls didn’t really enjoy the
butterfly exhibit though. I didn’t know that there are actually people that do
not like butterflies.
After we got home me and
Kimiyo had a little argument. I wish that we didn’t have culture differences. I
hope and pray that one day we will not see each other as different people, but
we can’t help it that our personalities are different at times. We worked
everything out though.
I didn’t get home until 5am
though. I was falling asleep in the car. It sucked. But I am safe… I think…
4/23/01 12:55AM
An interesting weekend..
Friday: Kimiyo, Miyu, and I watched movies at the dorm…
afterwards me and Kimiyo went and looked at the stars.. it was really nice… but
I ended up going home sad at around 4:30AM… sad because she is leaving in a few
months…I am scarred about her leaving..it will be different then when Akiko
left, or when Miyu will leave… much different… much harder on me…
Saturday: I pretty much did nothing, but John and Byron showed
up at my window at 12:30AM we then went and did some interesting things that I
will not mention…
Sunday: I drove down to Tallahassee looking for a CD by a
really good Japanese emo band..but surprise surprise I couldn’t find any of
their CDs… even though they are on an American label… arg.. I don’t feel like
ordering it… but I guess I have to… so anyway the only good thing that came out
of my trip to Tallahassee was a really good cup of Chai…
I really miss my friends… oh
well I will see them in a few hours… some of them at least…
4/16/01 11:30PM
Same as yesterday... just
not that much to say…
I went to school, and then came home….then I went to Thomasville and got some
clothes…
Actually today I was cocky
for a little bit…
I had that dinner tonight
and I got to dress up in a sharp 3-piece suit… and I must say I was looking
good =)
Ok that’s just too cocky….
But damn it was the truth… j/k
I got some award for student
leadership… its plastic and cheap...but it has my name on it… and hell it’s an
award…
Other then that my day was
boring…
But I did like seeing the
looks on Kimiyo and Miyu’s faces when they saw me dressed up…
It really is rare to see me
all dolled up…
Oh well I am tired…
4/15/01 10:30PM
Nothing much today… we went
to Talle to pick up my brother at the bus station…
He was in Houston visiting a
girl over spring break…
I really needed to go to the
mall but it was closed for Easter… urg of all the luck…
I have a formal dinner
tomorrow… fun.. I get to dress up.. wear a tie… oh the horror…
Hmm school tomorrow… just
one class…
I get to see my friends…
Get away from this boredom…
Tomorrow starts today…
4/14/01 11:15PM
a lot has been going on… I
don’t even feel like writing all of it to catch up… but to sum up the past few
months
I became friends with a
group of Japanese Students from school (Akiko, Miyu, Kimiyo, Masako…)
I went to New Orleans with
14 foreign students for spring break
I went to Cumberland Island
(with Akiko, Kimiyo, and Miyu)
I found out my best friend
Byron enlisted in the army and will leave the 23rd of April
Akiko left for Oregon, I
went with all my friends to Atlanta to see her off at the airport… afterwards
Miyu, Kimiyo, and I went and visited with my grandmother…
Had some problems with a
Japanese girl named Yasako…
Started dating Kimiyo…
Got plastered for the last
time with Byron…
It has been interesting… and
I wish I could put every last detail… but I don’t feel like writing a book…
maybe sometime soon I will post pictures…
I am going to start writing
again… I promise…